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A local woman is recovering after an altercation with a fax machine turned ugly. During a routine walk-through of her office area, Robyn McKinney noticed the fax machine located in the copy room was out of toner. As she did not have a replacement, she attempted to swap toners with another, lesser-used fax machine. The fax machine angrily refused to accept the toner and accused McKinney of trying to trick it. "The fax machine was making awful, insistent beeping noises" one witness said. "It was impossible to get a word in edgewise." The fax machine insisted that McKinney scan a new "toner card" before operations would proceed. At that point, an quarrel ensued, culminating in McKinney pulling the plug on the fax machine.

McKinney then noticed that one of the trays on the fax machine had been injured during the brawl and took pity on it. She removed the tray and took it to her desk to glue a small bracket back on it. She removed a tube of "goof proof" super glue from her desk and pressed on it gently to extract some glue. She then noticed that the seal on the tube had not been broken, so she pierced it. A disaster beyond her imagination occurred. Glue exploded from the tube, spraying her, her desk, and the dress that she purchased at Goodwill. "It all happened so fast," wailed McKinney in a brief interview. McKinney hastily tried to wipe the glue from her hands with Kleenex, causing the Kleenex to bond indelibly with the glue, and her skin. It was a desperate situation. Still, McKinney heroically tried to glue the broken piece back onto her fax machine tray. It refused to stick. "It’s ironic, I suppose," McKinney reflected, "It stuck to absolutely everything except the one thing it was supposed to stick to. Just like rain on your wedding day, huh?"

McKinney immediately began the long and painful process of removing the glue from her hands, a process which very well might take the rest of her life to complete. Meanwhile the fax machine and the so-called "goof proof" super glue, have been taken into custody and are being held for questioning regarding a possible conspiracy against McKinney. Bail has been set at $500,000.00. The dress from Goodwill may never be the same, but then again, it was from Goodwill.

Clay and I recently returned from an exhilarating journey of wonderment to Washington, D.C. This trip was perfect for a couple of bookish geeks like us, and we had a ball! Here are a few highlights from the week:

Most Thrilling Moment (for Clay): The discovery of R2D2 and C3PO at the Smithsonian. Much like Moses standing in front of the Burning Bush, Clay was awed and astounded.

Most Thrilling Moment (for Robyn): The discovery of American's one-and-only painting by Leonardo da Vinci in the National Gallery of Art. It's a beaut to boot!

Unexpected plague that rested its heavy hand upon our great nations’ capital: 8th graders. The place was utterly infested with them. The museums, the mall, the hotel shuttle, even the tomb of the poor unknown solider was besieged by the ruthless sillies. The only place we found respite from the fiends was the MetroRail, as their preferred mode of transportation was the Hellhound.

Best Museum: Sorry to be such a heavy, but the winner is the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum. Before the tour began, the guide warned the flippant youths in our group, "Do not enjoy yourselves at this museum." And right he was…the museum is no picnic, but it is important, even necessary. Even the flippant youths were properly sobered by the experience.

Worst Museum, possibly in the history of the world: The Hirshhorn. And may I say, I am actually a huge fan of modern and contemporary art, and I have had the opportunity to see some great pieces in person. But not at this museum. The Hirshhorn houses a wide selection of the pretentious drivel that gives modern art such a miserable reputation. To quote our friend Cathy Mumford, "The emperor isn’t wearing any clothes."

Most Surprisingly Delightful Museum: I loved the Freer and Sackler Galleries. I haven’t had the opportunity to see a lot of Asian Art, and what I have seen has been mostly jade vases. But this was a very lively and colorful collection in a quiet and peaceful setting.

Museum that would be even cooler if it were the Field Museum in Chicago: The Natural History Museum. Hate to be such a snob, but this museum reminded me a little of the Pink Palace. It was nice and fun, but it didn’t have the Tsavo lions or Sue the T-Rex. Okay, okay, so it has the Hope Diamond. That’s cool, I guess, If you’re into giant blue diamonds.

Best Presidential Memorial: Well, the Jefferson Memorial, obviously! Everyone knows that. However, I have a soft spot for the new FDR Memorial, especially because of the larger-than-life sculpture of FDR’s beloved pooch, Fala.

Best War Memorial: Clay likes the simplicity and poignancy of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. I like the new Korean War Memorial. I found it to be striking and rather haunting.

Theme of the trip: Like all trips, the theme was Robyn trying to find a peeing place. Which was no problem near the memorials, but on the other side of the national mall, nothing opens until 10:00, and if you are there at 9:00, you are on your own.

Weirdest Billboard: Beef Jerky World. We assume this is in Gatlinburg (where else?) and we were very sorry to have missed it when we went there in October. After all, we always love a good story.

And Last, but not least:

Does the Smithsonian Institute house John Dillinger’s unusually pronounced you-know-what? Clay and I were hoping to be able to satisfy the nation’s curiosity on this one, but unfortunately the American History Museum is closed for renovation until 2008, where the aforementioned specimen will no doubt be prominently displayed. If for some unfathomable reason the Smithsonian does not possess this national treasure, check the British Museum, as they have been known to swipe coveted artifacts from many a country.

Check out the photos page for a few highlights. Click here for footage of "I’m Just a Bill" on the Capitol steps!