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If you are planning to have a baby within the new couple of years, you might want to start thinking about your post-baby wardrobe now. It's amazing what having a kid does to your body. I'm only a few pounds heavier than I was before I had Alice, but my body is a totally different shape now. Silly me, I thought I could fit into my pre-baby clothes shortly after Alice was born. The results were laughable. I had to make an emergency Goodwill run so that I wouldn't have to walk around nude! Before my pregnancy, I was pretty small, so I bought my clothes in small sizes. A lot of those clothes are now in the closet of a slender friend.

Learn from my mistakes! When you are shopping for clothes, try on the next size up from the one you would normally buy. If the item still looks good on you, go with the larger size instead of the smaller size. Obviously, you don't want your clothes to be so big that they are baggy, and you don't have to buy large for every single article of clothing you buy, but you might find this helpful for buying items you might want to keep around for a while. This will be helpful to you in the first trimester and after your baby is born, whether you nurse or not.

Nursing-Friendly Shirts: Please, please, please don't buy specialty nursing clothes. They are truly awful. Hideous beyond imagination. I don't own any nursing clothes, so I can't say if they are any easier to use or not, but even if they are, it's just not worth it. This is a new century, and you no longer have to dress ugly to be an Earth Mama. Also, do you really think you're going to be walking around in nursing clothes after your baby is weaned? I think not. It would be like wearing maternity clothes all over again. Financially, not smart.

Instead, build your wardrobe with tops you can either pull up or unbutton to nurse. This weekend I discovered that tops you can pull up are a lot easier than tops that unbutton, plus you feel less exposed in public. Trying to discreetly button/unbutton your top while holding a wriggling infant is not easy. You will need pull-up tops that are somewhat stretchy/snug and can stay in place when you pull them up. You don't want to have to hold your shirt with your chin. Old Navy and Target usually have loads of cute T-Shirts that are perfect for this. If you go the button-up route, pick tops that are large enough so you don't have huge gaps between the buttons, exposing your bra, belly, and that cute tattoo you thought no one could see. Also, don't pick tops with lots of buttons or tops with tiny buttons. Quick and easy is the name of the game.

Pants: This is trickier. I found some elastic-waist pants that didn't look like Old Lady Pants, but it wasn't easy. Yoga pants are great. Drawstring pants are the best. You're looking for pants that are roomy enough for your newly expanded tush/thighs/belly but don't look like M.C. Hammer pants. Sadly, you will probably just have to re-purchase nice slacks and jeans, because they can be pretty unforgiving.

Skirts: Skirts are a lot more forgiving than pants, but they still can be a little treacherous. With skirts, elastic waists aren't quite so dorky. Skirts will be your friend for church and other dressy events, because dresses can be downright impossible.

Nursing-Friendly Dresses: Dresses can be hard to nurse in, but they can be great for your first trimester. I have a few nursing-friendly dresses, mostly the kind with the overlapping flap-style front. I also have some strappy dresses for this summer that I hope will work well.

Nursing Bras: If you've never been fitted for a bra before, sorry, but this is one time you'll need to. You will need a lot of support, and it's important to get the right size. Some sources recommend getting fitted in the 8th month of your pregnancy. These people are crazy. Wait until your milk comes in to buy your bras. You don't want to be totally engorged, but you do want to be fairly full so you can get the right size. You will need a few cup bras and at least one sleeping/comfort bra.

Nursing Pads: I use the washable kind that you get at Target, and they are great! They look so much nicer than the disposable kind and will save you money. Get several pairs and you won't have to do laundry as often.

Baby-Friendly Shoes: Sorry, ladies, but you're probably not going to want to tote a baby around in those stiletto heels or flip flops. They're not a good option for maternity wear, either. When buying shoes, you want sturdiness and comfort. A little bit of a heel is okay, and flats are even better. Don't worry...you can look cute without heels!

Blanket or other cover-up: We have a zillion baby blankets, but that is okay, because we use them all the time. Though Alice can't use them in her crib yet, they are great for her car seat, swing, and to cover up while nursing. Cover up!? Yes, cover up. You have the right to nurse your baby wherever you want. Other people have the right to not have to see your breasts. I know nursing is natural and sweet and wonderful. I know that covering up is sort of a nuisance. I agree that it is wrong that you see a woman in her underwear every time you turn on the television, but people have bizarre hang-ups about nursing. That's no reason to be confrontational about it. You don't have to hide in the bathroom, but you do have to be considerate. Maybe the world won't be so weird one day.

I hope these little hints help prepare your new mom wardrobe, save you money, and keep you from having to give away that fantastic outfit you love so much!

This blog entry has taken me more than a month to write and has gone on a labyrinthine journey before settling on the subject I most felt moved to write about. It was originally going to be about God’s faithfulness, but unexpectedly evolved into a reflection on something quite different: Trouble. That is not to say that I don’t believe in God’s faithfulness. In fact, now that help is on the way, I feel more consistently optimistic than I have in quite some time. But I need some more time before I can say anything honest about faithfulness. Perhaps I need a lot more time. For now, I wanted to consider what lead me to feel my need of God’s faithfulness in the first place: Trouble.

Since I was a child, I have felt it: Trouble. You may not think it, but children can sense trouble acutely, and they feel it more deeply than adults. By the time I was old enough to put away my Barbies, I was intimately acquainted with Trouble. I knew what it was to be afraid of the devil, to worry about things I couldn’t control, to be truly angry, to be in hot water, to be cruelly betrayed by a friend, and to realize my own sinfulness. I grew up lonely with an unshakable suspicion that I was not like other people, and perhaps my understanding of Trouble had something to do with it. By this time in my life, most of my peers have caught up with me in their dealings with Trouble, and I don’t feel alone anymore. But as I look back on the years, I recognize that Trouble has always stuck near to me and perhaps always will. My old enemy, Trouble, is never very far from my doorstep. He grins at me from around each corner and taps on my shoulder. I can never seem to shake him off. My thorn in the flesh. Perhaps he will one day teach me something important, but I have not discovered it yet.

It is the best of times; it is the worst of times. It always is. It is a time of pitiful frailty and unexpected peace, and of cumbersome anxiety and enduring hope. These first weeks of my daughter’s life have been unlike anything I’ve ever experienced…the highest highs and lowest lows of my life. The piercing beauty of Alice’s shining eyes; her perfect little rosebud mouth smiling just for me…this is sheer joy. But there is more to it than that. In addition to the usual challenges of adjusting to a new baby, I had an infected C-section incision that took six weeks to heal. While Alice and I were still in the hospital, our guinea pig, Satchmo, became sick. For four weeks, he required twice daily medicating and syringe feeding. I had difficult and painful time teaching Alice to nurse. Postpartum Depression has its fingers around my throat as I write this, eight weeks after Alice’s birth. And now, we are moving! The struggles I face as a new mother at times seem unconquerable. I feel myself being broken apart and crushed. Why should this terrible pain burrow into me now, when I most wanted to fend it off?

The first question of the Westminster Catechism is "What is the chief end of man?" It’s the first because, in our eyes, it’s the most important. Man is constantly asking "What’s my motivation?" The answer is somewhat confounding: "Man’s chief end is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever." Neither of these things is particularly easy. In John 10:10, we are told that Christ came so we could have life and have it abundantly. Even so, most of my Christian friends have confessed to a struggle with depression. "Why do bad things happen to good people?" the tormented sufferer often asks, his head pounding with Trouble. A good Calvinist, he believes that God causes everything to happen, and he knows that God is holy. But when he is in the "depths of despair," it doesn’t matter. He knows that nothing can happen to him that is not in God’s will for his life. But that isn’t enough. Somehow he knows that "the way things are" is not the way things should be. He knows something is lacking, and in a way, he feels a pull toward heaven like a dinner bell calling him home from a hard day’s work. We are fallen, and this is not heaven.

Everyone knows the 23rd Psalm. Green pastures, still waters, my cup overflows and so on. But have you taken a look at the prickling and painful passage before it? It speaks of being forsaken by God, and it doesn’t mince any words. It reminds me of another heartbreaking moment remembered in both Matthew 27:46 and Mark 15:34 when Christ cries out "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" We’re talking about the Son of God here, not some mere mortal. Why would he say such a thing? Why did it have to be that way? If we believe in the inerrancy of scripture, we can’t pretend it wasn’t real, that it wasn’t true. It opens up a whole icky, uncomfortable can of worms. I can’t herd those worms and seal them up again. I don’t know the answer. I can’t explain away Christ’s suffering or a child’s suffering or even an animal’s suffering. I’m not holy, so I probably shouldn’t even try. I know there is a reason, though, as there is a reason for everything.

Ecclesiastes 7:3 tells us, "Sorrow is better than laughter for by sadness of face the heart is made glad." And though Thomas Paine was no friend to Christianity, there was perhaps wisdom in him when he said, "What we obtain too cheaply, we esteem too lightly." (Okay, so he was talking about the American Revolution, but throw me a bone, here.)

Today while I was nursing my daughter in the parking lot of the local Wal-Mart, a disaster beyond my imagination occurred. Alice decided it would be a good time to make a little poopy, and her disposable diaper committed the ultimate act of treason: it failed to contain the explosion. There was poop on her dress, on my nice, cream-colored sweater, on my irreplaceable Goodwill-find pants, on the passenger side seat, and on her priceless hand-made blanket. This is only one of the reasons that we do not usually use disposable diapers, a.k.a. "sposies."

With one or two exceptions, every time we have had a leak, it has been with a sposie. We usually use sposies when we are out and about, as they’re not as bulky under her nice outfits, but that is where the charm of sposies crashes, burns and dies.

We decided to use cloth mostly because I felt it made more sense financially than sposies, especially since I'm a stay-at-home mom. I'm not made of money and can devote the time it takes to launder them here at home. (Fairview has never heard of such a thing as a diaper service, and to me, half the point is laundering them yourselves. Call it that old-fashioned, American can-do resourcefulness.) We were pleased to find that they were a lot easier to use than one might think.

Ordering cloth diapers, on the other hand, is a real pill. I spent hours of online research comparing and contrasting products and vendors. The hassle of finding the right items for the right price is coming back to me now that I’m toying with the idea of using cloth "mama pads." I’m amazed that in the midst of an enormous "Green" movement, cloth diapering is considered so weird and fringy. Sorry, folks…this is not something you can find at Target, or even Babies R Us. This is not something you can make at home, unless you really know what you’re doing. Mostly you are going to be buying from really granola work-at-home-moms…they have their own culture, and they want you to join!

If you are interested in cloth diapering, there are a couple of web sites you may find helpful. Diaper Pin offers product and vendor reviews and lots of how-to information. My favorite how-to site, Green Mountain Diaper, is also a great vendor. I’ve also had good luck ordering from No Pins 4 Baby and will probably order my "mama" items from them.

There are lots of ways to cloth diaper, and the options can be overwhelming. In a nutshell, this is what you’ll need if you choose cloth diapering at its cheapest:

About 3 dozen prefolds (the actual diaper): We have about 40 and wash them every 2-3 days. Go for the extra-wide infant size at Green Mountain and they will grow with your baby. Bleached or unbleached…your preference. The unbleached require more "breaking in," but they hide stains better.

2 diaper covers per size (newborn, infant, etc.): You only need to wash these when they get dirty (diaper overflows, etc.) Your most economical option is probably the Prorap covers available at No Pins 4 Baby. Don’t be sucked in by the cute, colorful covers unless they are really cheap. Plain white may be boring, but at least it goes with everything.

2 "Snappi" fasteners: A great alternative to diaper pins, these clever little things are available anywhere cloth diapers are sold.

Changing pad: We don’t have room for a changing table, but I did buy the pad for one, thinking that I would change her on the floor. Well, my back didn’t care for that plan, so now I’m changing her in her crib. We used a little fold-up changing pad that came with a diaper bag. I wipe it down with a disposable wipe from time to time to keep it clean…we love it!

Cloth Wipes: If you’re using cloth diapers, why not use cloth wipes, too? But don’t, don’t, don’t make the mistake I made. Don’t buy the wipes from a cloth diapering site. Instead, go down to your Dollar General (or whatever) and buy a few packs of cheap washcloths. I’m telling you, it’s the same darn thing…or better!

Aloe Vera, olive oil, or a wipe solution available from cloth diapering websites: I use aloe vera and sometimes olive oil. This helps clean up the skin from a messy diaper. I then wet the wipe with warm water and make sure the skin is totally clean and dry before putting on a fresh diaper.

Thermos Pump Pot (optional): Clay hates this thing and never uses it, but I find it handy to store water without having to run the faucet until the water turns warm. You can get this at Wal-mart.

Poop scraper: Spatula or similar item for scraping poop into toilet. Get as much of it out as you can prior to placing in pail.

Diaper Pail: I bought a real diaper pail from Babies R Us, but if I had it to do over again, I would have just bought a plastic "tall kitchen" trash can. (maybe with a foot-operated lid) The pail we have isn’t big enough for a whole batch of dirty diapers, and I have to change out the bag halfway through. Meanwhile, I have a bag of dirty diapers sitting on my dryer. Ew!

Waterproof laundry bag: Get 2-3 of these at Wal-Mart. These are fantastic because they hold a large number of diapers and you can just throw them in the washer with the diapers!

Oxy-Clean Laundry or similar pre-treater: I spray all of my soiled diapers with this prior to the first wash and then check to see which ones need extra spraying prior to the second wash.

All Free and Clear or similar detergent: We like the allergen-free and use it on all our laundry.

Sun Oxygen Cleaner or similar product: Use this in addition to detergent…it’s great…good for spit-up stains, too, so I use it with all my laundry.

How I care for my diapers: Scrape poop into toilet while swishing in water. Squeeze out excess water and place in pail. When wash day arrives, pre-treat all soiled diapers. Run a cold wash first with oxygen cleaner and detergent. If your washer has a soaking feature, use it! This is my secret weapon. After the first wash, check all diapers for those that need additional pre-treatment. Run a hot wash with oxygen cleaner and detergent. Check diapers once more. Those that are still noticeably stained can air dry or be placed back in the bin for next wash. The rest of the diapers can air dry or tumble dry on low. Air dried diapers look pretty uncomfortable, so I usually tumble dry and then air dry the ones that aren’t quite done. I don’t want to overdo the tumble drying, as this can lead to a diaper’s untimely death.

Other tips:

Use a diaper rash cream at least every other change. We like Boudreaux Butt Paste.
Give baby a bath at least every other day. This keeps the tushie nice and clean!
If you have stained diapers (and you will) place the stained side toward baby. That way, only one side gets stained.