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Three years ago, Clay and I adopted a tiny, neglected red-eared slider, who we named Turtleian. (get it? Sounds like Tertullian, the famous apologist of the early Christian church. Pretty clever, huh?) About three days later, the little creature laid what we believed was a clutch of eggs. Though they did not gestate, we then assumed that our baby turtle was a female. And so, unwilling to relinquish the FABULOUS name we had come up with, we gave her as nickname: Annie. (I know that deriving "Annie" from Turtleian is a bit of a stretch, but work with me, here.) Afterwards, I totally threw Turtleian out the window (the name, not the turtle) and christened her Annabeth Hezione Hepburn-McKinney.

Every summer, Annie has a dramatic growth spurt. One day when were cleaning out her tank, we were amazed to discover that she was now the circumference of an adult box turtle, (although not as tall, because she has a flat, aquadynamic carapace.) We also noticed that her front claws had grown quite a bit and that she often swam to the front of the tank to click them at me excitedly. We were curious about this new behavior, and so we asked a reptile specialist at The Aquatic Critter for his insight. He unveiled the horrible truth: our sweet little Princess Annabeth is in fact an adolescent male. His claw-clacking routine is an effort to prove his dominance, possibly for the purposes of (gulp) baby-making.

Clay and I are slowly adjusting to the fact that Annie is a fella. We have re-named him once again: Ani, short for Anakin. I know that naming our turtle after Darth Vader is an odd choice, but if you think about it, he sort of has gone over to the dark side. We could have called him Turtleian again, but it's kind of a mouthful.

To make up for years of gender confusion, Clay and I outfitted Ani with a brand new aquarium set-up. (Actually, we had to get a new set-up because the boy is HUGE...he shed 16 plates in one week!) Ani enjoys his new pad. He's like any adolescent male...he lays around a lot, has a huge appetite, and occasionally perks up when he sees a girl walk past.

A word on turtle ownership: Clay and I did not deliberately seek out Ani. A family member rescued him from a family who had illegally brought him into the state after purchasing him at the beach. (Ani wasn't stolen...he was taken off their hands with their permission)  Ani was very weak and ill for a couple of months after we brought him home. Every time we went to check on him, we were sure he was dead. He lay motionless most of the time and had no appetite. Clay and I determined to do the best we could to heal him, and so we purchased an elaborate aquarium set-up, complete with a heat lamp, UVB lamp, ramp, and filter. None of which was cheap. Ani bounced back and became quite healthy. We are so grateful! Ani is a part of our family, and he is sheer joy. But he can be a lot of trouble sometimes. Each time he grows, we have to re-configure his living space. Eventually, he will be the size of a dinner plate, which means he is going to need a very large aquarium. And because of his shape, it may need to be a specialty aquarium instead of a fish aquarium. Additionally, we clean out his tank every 1-2 weeks. That involves a total emptying, scrubbing-down and re-filling. It usually takes about an hour to do all this and can be quite physically strenuous. All the water has to go down the toilet, not on my plants. We can't risk releasing Ani's foreign bacteria into the environment...this is one of the reasons turtles are illegal in the first place.

In short, we want you to know that we are turtle enthusiasts and all we do and will do in the future for Ani is totally worth it. But please be aware that owning a turtle is a commitment, and one you should take seriously. You cannot adopt one and then decide you don't want it and dump it in the creek. Doing so could be catastrophic for the local ecosphere. And please stay on the right side of the law: turtle ownership is illegal in the state of Tennessee.

One of the highlights of pregnancy is registering for baby gifts. In my mind, the baby section of the store has been a magical wonderland since my brothers were babies. However, the task of registering for Alice's gifts was somewhat daunting, even though I had a pretty good idea of our needs. The point of registering is to discreetly state your preferences, thus making it easier for your friends to purchase gifts for your baby. Showers are more common and lavish with a first born child than subsequent children, so registering is your one chance to provide for the majority of your children's needs. Or in other words, this is the time to rake in the loot!

Here are some guidelines to registering effectively:

1. Choose nursery themes and colors ahead of time. This will help a lot as you look for registry items.

2. Disregard the list of "necessities" that the store gives you when you register. Keep in mind, this is the store we are talking about here. Their goal is to get you to register for the largest amount of expensive, ridiculous junk possible. Instead, seek the advice of a sensible, experienced mom when you register...bring her with you, if possible. Chances are, she will be delighted to re-live the excitement of perusing the aisles of Babies R Us.

3. Know your givers. When deciding how much to register for, it's very helpful to have some idea of what sort of gift receiving you'll be doing. I was very fortunate to have three generous showers (work, church, and family.) Are your friends loaded? Register accordingly! Are they as poor as church mice? Ditto.

4. Don't overregister. Once when I was shopping for a friend's wedding, I was confronted with a fifteen page (front and back) wish list of every possible kitchen utensil and serving dish imaginable. I was totally overwhelmed. I know how it is when you have that fantastic registry gun in your hand and you come down with a bad case of Itchy Trigger Finger. But let's take a few deep breaths. What do you need? What are you going to use? What do you have room for? And what is going to sit in a closet unused for five years?

5. Don't underregister. It's equally frustrating for your friends when they go to register for you and every item on your registry has been purchased. You might want to start your registry off with items that you need the most. After gift-giving begins, re-assess your registry and add more items. The beauty of the Internet makes it easy to edit your registry from the comfort of your own home so you don't have to drag your pregnant self to the store.

6. Think beyond the newborn phase. Go ahead and register for items your baby will need in the future, such as teething rings and feeding supplies. Money and time are usually in short supply after the baby is born, so it's nice to have these items taken care of beforehand.

7. When registering for large or expensive items, choose gender-neutral colors. That bright pink stroller is sooo cute and pretty, and you really, really want it for your little lady. But what if your next child is a little boy? You will either have to purchase another huge, expensive stroller or subject your poor son to the indignity of being pushed around in a bright pink stroller. Even if you can afford to buy a new stroller, it is wasteful.

8. Think broad: Your baby needs a wide array of items, from pacifiers to a bath tub to a diaper bag. Carefully peruse the entire baby section (or baby store) to make sure you're not leaving anything off of your registry. This is where your trusted mom friend can help. A lot of people forget to register for toys and books. Without the swing, bouncy seat, play mat, Exersaucer, and mobile, I would have shot myself long ago.

9. Register at stores with generous return-policies. Lots of folks are still new to this whole registry thing. Often when they do buy something from your registry, they forget to have the cashier edit your registry to show the item as purchased. As a result, you will probably get duplicates of a few items. You will probably want to return these items to get store credit for items you can use. Unfortunately, sometimes you don't have the receipt for the gift. As of January, 2008, Target will not let you return any items without a receipt. This is incredibly annoying. Target has always had a reputation for poor customer service with returns, and now it's gotten worse. I think they should give you some leeway if you have a registry with them. Target has a wide array of beautiful baby things, but be careful if you use them. I recommend Babies R Us...they have a great staff and a huge selection of quality baby gear. Unfortunately, the store is not convenient for most people. So I split up my registry items between Target and Babies R Us.

10. Don't register for: A lot of baby clothes, blankets or collectible items.  Some folks don't know/have time to figure out registries.  (Who can blame them?  They can be confusing!)  Some folks want to pick out something extra special that you'll always remember was from them.  Some folks are creative n' crafty and enjoy making something for your baby.  Either way, you'll probably receive lots of lovely clothes, blankets and other special gifts. If you do register for clothes, once again, think beyond the newborn phase. They don't stay tiny for long, and you want your child to have plenty of clothes without having to plunk down more money every time they grow. Alice has beautiful outfits for the entire first year.

11. Register for plenty of: Washclothes, bibs, burp clothes, crib sheets, bowls, spoons, sippys, and anything else that has to be washed often.

12. Don't be shy...tell them what you need: If someone asks what you need, tell them! Especially if they are in charge of a shower and will be using collected money to purchase your gifts. There probably won't be a lot of people who will buy your $200.00 travel system for you, so this is a good time to take care of things like that.

13. Request that your showers take place a couple of months before your baby is due: Trust me, if will be really important to you to have your nursery stocked and decorated well in advance of baby's arrival. Once your showers are over, you can assess your remaining needs. Besides, by the time you're in your last month, you're not going to feel like putting together a crib.

14. Use gift cards and money gifts wisely. When the gift-giving spree has slowed down, use your gift cards for remaining items from your registry. Big stuff first, then smaller stuff if you have any money remaining. You may still receive some items after your baby is born, so you might want to leave a few small items on your registry. Use your cash to purchase things that might not be available at large stores, such as cloth diapers, an Over the Shoulder Baby Holder sling, or items from Amazon.com or other online retailers. If you have cash or cards left over, save them. Believe me, they will be needed sooner or later.

15.  Consider pre-owned items.  Didn't get everything you wanted?  Running low on money?  Try consignment stores and yard sales.  Or just ask around...chances are there are lots of moms who are just waiting to unload a treasure trove of used baby items.

For all those parents-to-be out there...have a great time registering for your little one! I hope you get lots of great stuff!

From a pouty-lipped Generation Y-er to a reluctantly aging business executive, practically every woman has either occasionally or habitually indulged in an torrid, unbridled tryst with shopping. It starts innocently enough. You've had a bad day. It's been raining. You have PMS. The Starbucks barista got your coffee order all wrong. You really deserve to treat yourself. Time to head to the mall. Seventy bucks for a blouse? But you've had SUCH a bad day, and it's sooo cute on you! $200.00 for a scarf? But it's sooo pretty and colorful...it really cheers you up on this bad day. And besides, you're supporting those Peruvian scarf-makers who barely have enough food for their children. You're feeding innocent children with that $200.00! Oh, look at those super-cute boots!

And on and on it goes. Retail Therapy is the benign term for shopping to improve your mood, distract you, relieve your boredom, etc. It is a way to convince folks that "I’m worth it" or "I deserve it." I don't mean to poke fun. I'm a recovering therapeutic shopper myself. Before I became pregnant with Alice, I was constantly searching for something new. Most people wouldn't think my shopping was a big problem: I didn't spend huge amounts of money or keep my purchases a secret. But I became aware that nothing was ever enough for me. When I bought something, I would keep it in the bag for a week or two to retain that "new" feeling. Once it was out of the bag, washed and in the closet, or sitting on a shelf, it wasn't new anymore and no longer held my fascination. What's more, I could never have a good time until I'd bought something. Even if we went to the zoo or the art museum, I didn't feel like the trip was complete until I brought home a pretty bauble of some sort. Whenever we would go on vacations, I would scour the place for a handsome turtle collectible, snazzy pair of earrings, hip new skirt, or the like. I remember coming home from a vacation in Memphis with bags of goodies. As we drove home, I felt a crushing weight of guilt. Why? I was making my own money at the time. We could afford it. But those goodies were an idol to me.

I love my turtle collection. I love my jewelry. I love my clothes. But now I see things differently, and I am relieved. I now have something to fill that lonesome, bottomless void: my daughter. The transition from spendthrift to thrifty spender was a gradual one. When I was pregnant, obviously I couldn't buy all the cute new fashions at Target. I would get terrible urges to shop, but I reminded myself that I had no way of knowing what size and shape I would be when Alice was born, so it was best to avoid shopping for clothes. Around the same time, Nashville experienced a mysterious lack of turtles, so I couldn't buy those either. Our house in Fairview was chock full of stuff, which we had to shift to make room for the baby. There wasn't room for one more artsy wall hanging or candleholder.

This shopping drought prepared me for my new life. I received money and gift cards for my birthday and Christmas, and my original goal was to make it last the entire year. It was a fun game to see how much I could get for my money. I made it to June, where I went hog wild and blew my last remaining Christmas money on a new outfit, a lamp, and a little fountain. Hurray, that was fun! And no more spending until my funds are replenished. Remarkably, I find that I'm okay with this pause in my recreational spending. My perspective toward spending has changed, and it couldn't have come at a better time. We don't have expendable funds now, but I don't feel deprived. For the most part, I buy things that my family needs.

It is not wrong to treat yourself to something nice if you can afford it and if you have the appropriate attitude about it. I'm a capitalist...spending is a healthy thing. But when shopping transforms into idol worship, it's time to reassess your priorities.